Why Love Hurts : A Sociological Explanation

我們中很少有人倖免於親密關係的痛苦。他們有多種形式：愛一個不會給我們承諾的男人或一個女人，當我們被一個情人拋棄時，傷心欲絕，從事Sisyphean互聯網搜索，從酒吧、聚會或盲目約會中寂寞回來，在一種比我們設想的要少得多的關係中感到無聊 - 這些只是尋找愛情的方式，一種困難而且常常痛苦的經歷。儘管這些經歷具有廣泛且幾乎集體的特徵，但我們的文化堅持認為它們是錯誤或不夠成熟的心靈的結果。

對於許多人來說，弗洛伊德關於家庭設計個人色情事業模式的想法一直是我們為什麼，以及如何找不到或維持愛情的主要原因。精神分析和流行心理學成功地說服了我們個人，對他們浪漫和色情生活的痛苦負有責任。本書的目的是改變我們對現代關係中出現問題的思考方式。

問題不在於童年時期的功能失調或自我意識不足的心理，而在於塑造我們如何愛的體制力量。本書的論點是，現代浪漫體驗男性和女性選擇合作夥伴的樣本，評估潛在合作夥伴的模式，選擇和自主的重要性以及人們想像的選擇範圍：所有這些選擇方面都改變了意志的核心，我們如何想要一個伴侶，關係賦予的價值感，以及慾望的組織。

這本書確實愛馬克思對商品所做的事情：它表明它是由社會關係和制度塑造的，並且在不平等的行為市場中流傳。

Few of us have been spared the agonies of intimate relationships. They come in many shapes: loving a man or a woman who will not commit to us, being heartbroken when we're abandoned by a lover, engaging in Sisyphean internet searches, coming back lonely from bars, parties, or blind dates, feeling bored in a relationship that is so much less than we had envisaged - these are only some of the ways in which the search for love is a difficult and often painful experience. Despite the widespread and almost collective character of these experiences, our culture insists they are the result of faulty or insufficiently mature psyches.

For many, the Freudian idea that the family designs the pattern of an individual's erotic career has been the main explanation for why and how we fail to find or sustain love. Psychoanalysis and popular psychology have succeeded spectacularly in convincing us that individuals bear responsibility for the misery of their romantic and erotic lives. The purpose of this book is to change our way of thinking about what is wrong in modern relationships.

The problem is not dysfunctional childhoods or insufficiently self-aware psyches, but rather the institutional forces shaping how we love. The argument of this book is that the modern romantic experience is shaped by a fundamental transformation in the ecology and architecture of romantic choice. The samples from which men and women choose a partner, the modes of evaluating prospective partners, the very importance of choice and autonomy and what people imagine to be the spectrum of their choices: all these aspects of choice have transformed the very core of the will, how we want a partner, the sense of worth bestowed by relationships, and the organization of desire.

   Eva Illouz (Autor)

Publisher:Polity 

ISBN:    978-0745671079 

原價   US 16.95 台幣價 NT$570